Sleep Won't Come

I really should be in bed.
Don't I realize how soon the early work hours will pull the sun up?
Pushing, pulling the darkness deep navys into pale shades of robins egg, like stretching taffy.

You tell me to sleep but we both know
When restlessness grabs hold of my chest, limbs jitter fidgety
You have watched me pace floors, so much to do

Of all the times to argue with me, of all the times
Surround me with your arms, not angry impatience.
Everything is overwhelming, I am so tired but there is so much.

How can I explain, sleepy minded, thoughts too difficult to sort
Take me to bed, undress me, tuck me in that corner of your arm
Make me listen to your heart song beat, make me sleep.

Syntax

Words fascinate
Confuse words
Letters tangle
choking
syllables that stutter
stutter
stuck
words new
broken to pieces

4 years
4 years spent
practicing, practicing
Special class for 1
"These, those, their"
"Salamander" a
word, the animal
not.

I practiced, practiced
say, say, say
But no,
no one ever
said
asked
noticed
the words
jumbled my throat
tongue tied and stutter
stuck
No, no one
the words
broken into pieces
that my eyes confused
Letter Pictures.

For David.

88 Lines About 44 Times I Fell in Love With My Boyfriend, 
in No Particular Order

Standing in my garage, beer in your hand,

We just had met and your smile made me forget your name.

Then there was last Valentine’s, at my work,

You made me blush with roses and sunflowers.

Side of the road, buying mangoes to eat at the beach,

Standing close, smelling sweetness against cold beach wind.

Walking along Goat Rock Beach,

We took our first photos together.

A foggy memory, an exhausted night, the first time

You stretched out your arm, I put my head on your chest, and slept.

The first dark midnight you witnessed my nightmares,

I woke to being held close and told I was safe.

Walking the tiles of my house, you singing made up songs,

How could I not, the first time and every after?

Watching you, in your too-warm room,

Elbow deep in aquarium, speaking Latin names of fish.

Our first fight, you didn’t back down, and I was wrong,

You called me out and I respected you for it.

When you met my son, you did not push,

But let him come to you, talking of skipping stones.

Watching you, always shirtless, painting,

Using tea and paint, creating feathers in my kitchen.

The night you came over, I did not expect it,

So late that I thought you had forgotten.

Drove home sick from work, you were at a friend’s,

Still you made me miso soup, watched me as I sipped it.

The day you got my son to draw,

Side by side, you both sat on the couch, pencils in hand.

When my cat climbed on your chest,

You laughed as she hit your chin with her head.

When you met my parents, I saw

You shook hands and looked them in the eye.

The first time, by tickling, that I finally made you laugh

You claim a couple beers had helped you to relax.

Your best friend’s party-turned-weekend-trip,

As we slept under the stars, back yard camping.

Seeing the way you smiled with your friends,

Unrestrained, the lines deep around your eyes.

Feeling safe in your car, the first time to your place,

You called me precious cargo, I blushed in the dark.

That first kiss on the forehead,

And each one ever since.

When I discovered I fit just right, for standing

Means my head can lay over your heart beat.

Easter Day, in my green front yard

Pitching to my son, suggestions and encouragements.

The days of “Good Morning” texts, that

Honestly I have grown to miss.

Though I had stopped hoping, it truly meant the most,

The first time you said you loved me, late day, standing by my stove.

Driving to see my favorite band, you made a detour,

Going past my childhood home, so much joy I could have cried.

Later,  as we stood there at the show,

Your arm protective around my waist.

The time I saw your sketch book open,

My own face, surrounded with roses, looking back at me.

A sad memory, but it changed things,

The first time I saw you cry.

When you took me to meet your mother, actually

Taking the time to calm me by saying which outfit looked the best.

The day I came home to a new garden fence,

No more days of deer eating my tomatoes.

Remember the wooden rocking bench?

Sheepishly telling me it broke under the weight of you and a tipsy friend.

The day you took four silly selfies,

And sent each duck-lipped face to me.

Dancing in my kitchen, a first for me,

My steps awkward and clumsy but you still swayed.

The second drive home from your brother’s house,

Both yelling, angry, but you refused to give up on us.

Watching you walk, black flowing robes,

As your mom and I cheered for our favorite new grad.

Your surprise birthday party,

That moment when you realized everyone was there.

When my son was honored, his school ceremony,

You stood by the stage and photographed.

The other night, just weeks ago, as you said

You loved me, inside a kiss, our bodies entwined.

I fall in love with you - my hero, my rock, my handsome man,

More and more each every day.

(note - this was inspired by my fantastic man, and pulled into existence by my current professor for an assignment)