Want

Another night spent curled up, you asleep while I'm painfully awake.

Another morning spent crying. You would rather turn your back to me and talk into the pillow than sit up and find answers with me.

A phone call midday. "You have to decide what you want." I told you this morning what I wanted. I told you and you brushed it off with conflicting reasons why I was being dramatic.

I've thought hard since you told me I need to decide. I've told you I want you, but it's not that simple, is it?

I want the good morning texts you used to send.

I want time for a date every week. A date that isn't always planned by me, that doesn't involve being at one of our homes. I want to go out and see the world with you, even if that world is just a walk around a few blocks or to the park.

I want kisses when we greet each other. When did that stop?

I want to go to sleep tangled up in each other. Not to say we don't, but I want it to continue.

I want to be found beautiful, even when tired.

I want the possibility of chickens. Of a house built into a home. A dog, bunnies, and a garden.

I want to inspire.

I want slow exploring. I want kisses on my hip bones and fingertips that trace my curves. I want to kiss a trail over your body while discovering what makes turns all your senses to me.

I want to be comfortable saying no.

I want nights sitting on the couch, watching tv together, snuggled up in your arms.

I want to cook together. And meals fed to each other, sometimes off of each other.

I want to be able to have serious discussions on politics and playful discussions about superheroes.

I want passion and drive. I want each day to be welcomed, not dreaded.

I want to share the hard days. I want to be the comfort in the storm. I want a safe place when my nightmares find me.

I want to be known. I want to be held often.

I want lazy days spent silently near each other, absorbed in our own interests but still close to each other, enjoying the quiet peace of existing together.

I want to be more important than an obligation.

I want my son to be happy. Someone who genuinely cares for him and will be there for him.

I want to be desired. I want to desire.

I want to be pushed to grow but still loved in the process or when I fail.

I want to know we have each other's backs when it comes down to it.

I want kisses on the forehead.

I want to seek happiness together and find beauty in the ugly moments.

I want to make memories that we will one day look back at, smiling.

I want you. But I want me too.